How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
