My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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