I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
