I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
