She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
