im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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