Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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