i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
