he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
