her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
