last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
