Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
