That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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