Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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