Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
