Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
