i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
