Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
