I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
