ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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