dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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