she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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