Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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