Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
