is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
