The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
