HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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