So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There r osticjed everywhere
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize