Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize