By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
