I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
