i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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