he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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