My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want her autograph on my taint
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
