Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
