She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
