Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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