I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?