life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
did i walk over a car last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
