I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes