Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.