Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.