My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb