There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.