You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
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SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..