Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
