Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.