A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
