What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
