a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
