Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm really busy with my period
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