I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
