I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
