in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
