so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
