Dude my mom stole all your condoms
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
