note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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