i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
