Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
