is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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