Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
