anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
