I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
