I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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