All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
