I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
