were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
