the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
