Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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