out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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