First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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