Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
