i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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