so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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