You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
