There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
