listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
