I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
