I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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