Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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