I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
