Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
