They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
