Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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