Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
